She is a brilliant badass of the world who hides behind a persona that was built on fear, perfection, and roles we made for her a long time ago. She seemingly has it all, and we wish we had more of what she has. We write her story every single day down here while she takes on her responsibilities and creates magic in 100% flow and pure joy.
Courageous women are afraid of many things and don’t get credit for it. They go through life fearless and quickly, unlike everyone else who has such a difficult time and tells all of us about it.
The ones who need the most help in life usually don’t get it because in our eyes they are doing great! Everyone around her genuinely believes she has it more manageable and can get through any kind of turmoil. Often she does not receive the emotional support she needs and can even feel lonely when surrounded by the people who love her the most.
When things go wrong for her, and she reaches out, often the response is so below expectations that she tries to never show this imperfect and weak side of her again to the world. Her rare moment of open vulnerability might be her last visibly authentic window, and most of us miss this urgent smoke signal she makes for us. Most of us don’t experience this side of her personality because women at the top are really good at hiding the loose-ends, keeping the screams on the inside, and the unicorn tears from showing.
We create a story and a role for her because we know everything, right?! We know she is more than okay! I mean, look at her! She is so rich, sparkly, says all the right things, is the best mom, has more hours in the day than we do, AND finds time to have perfect health. She definitely doesn’t need our help, we need hers!
Maybe, she is as frightened as you about not meeting expectations or fulfilling what she believes is her purpose in life. She feels out of touch, and she ignores all the red flags because she has reached out before, and it makes her feel worse! No one gets her. She even feels guilty that she doesn’t have enough gratitude for what she has built in life. She knows her status and pushes all the feelings down and resumes her role even though her soul is becoming worn, torn, and tattered on the inside.
Why doesn’t anyone really know her or want to help her? Why can’t she just tell the world how much she values them and that she needs their help? Why does she wear a mask? Why does she think she has to hold up such a perfectly stoic sensibility and strength for everyone but herself? Why can’t anyone see past all her sparkly facades?
It’s human nature to turn a blindside to something obviously going on right in front of them. Your family, your colleagues, the world, will never know everything you personally go through to get to the finish line. And once you hit your powerful and exciting successful stride and are living in your future that you have always dreamed of… “they” will put you in the same league as HER and you may feel these same emotions if you’ve never been there before. It can turn entrepreneurs dreams into failure & hiding really quick.
People get knocked off their unicorn every single day, and no one can figure out just what went wrong! Maybe, they just needed a little help. Perhaps, they didn’t realize how out of touch they became. And it is possible, no matter how high we rise, the work is never done and the potential for our shadow-self to re-emerge even years later is possible!
- We like to lie to ourselves and others.
- We are all easily influenced.
- We all follow the heard like pretty little sheep and act as if we are not.
- We are habit forming creatures, just like your pets.
Why must we put others on pedestals and create fabricated stories to fit our own narrative? Is it that hard to have complete trust in the unknown? Is it too much to ask that you have faith in yourself? (Sometimes, I wonder if these emotional reactions are because we don’t know how to create goals properly.)
We regularly complete stories for HER as if we are gods from our favorite fable or movie—and we honestly believe, without facts, that our view from our window is the right one.
Do you know how many times I’ve finally received the actual story from someone and had to apologize (even if only quietly to myself) that I had their story wrong? Quite a few. And people hate to apologize about the important stuff.
Assuming makes up most of the problems in this world. It’s like a disease and if you’re not assuming you are getting your answers from your intuition, right? How about reaching out and asking the person first before creating these stories that are made for you and all about you and, so you have something to look up to?
Everyone struggles and everyone hurts no matter who they are or how protected or privileged their life seems from the outside. Maybe you are being unjustly judged right now!
Have you thought about how your reactions to the roles we have put you in are affecting the choices you make in life? If you are going through life as the warrior but inside feel like no one has helped you in years, what can this mean for you and your future?! It is scary when you realize the stories people have created for you, inspired by you, can be a source of unhappiness and a breeding ground for inauthentic decisions! We have a hard time thinking for ourselves but say otherwise. We become other peoples stories and do not even realize we are adapting to this fake role we have been playing for YEARS.
What role are you playing that is keeping you from being helped?Self-reflection on a weekly basis is an important practice.
We are creative beings who live in a world that can shake us off whenever she wants to. Be careful about how you spend your time here and have responsibility for your self-reflection and perspectives on others around you. Because sometimes the person hurt or scared the most is the least likely person you suspect.
Courageous women cry and need help too. Don’t put them on your pedestal; and if you are one of them, ask for help.
Be free this year and live gracefully and lightheartedly in the unknown! This is where real power lives.
Have a humble and brave week.
I send this out in love and pure unicorn timing. xoxo
We are not okay with chaos and chance. It’s human nature to seek out patterns everywhere. Knowing what’s going to happen, or at least being pretty sure of it can be the difference between happy and having a total meltdown for most of us.
We are the worlds most sophisticated pattern machine. You/Me/We are calculating patterns and predictions at an evolved rate! Especially as life speeds up and digital technology becomes more ingrained in our everyday journey.
The structure is everything to us even when it means creating one (a pattern) where it doesn’t exist. Realistically and philosophically it can be useful and detrimental. Our freedom of choice and education, coupled with street smarts is all we have to calculate these choices.
Freedom of Choice: You’re in a burning building and receive a phone call telling you to “stay put for safety reasons.” You can see this situation is out of everyone’s control and leave anyways. You live while the group you were just with is now gone forever.
Education: during a business retreat in Maui, one of your colleagues starts drowning! A powerful man nearby drags him out of the ocean and onto the dry, hot beach. You remember your training as a child from CPR swim class and begin giving him mouth-to-mouth. Within seconds he spits up the ocean water, and you have saved his life!
Street Smarts: You’ve been preparing for months and have gone through five different interview meetings for a job that will change your life. The phone rings and the woman on the other end explains someone else has received the position and thank you. Instead of going into a deep depression, you move forward effortlessly to the next endeavor. Your reaction to defeating news is much better than someone who hasn’t had experienced negative situations. You haven’t led a sheltered life and find a great job within a week of hearing the bad news. You’re now celebrating!
The experience behind these 3 assets that we all can grow is essential to separating fact from adverse pattern recognition.
When we see, think, or feel things because of a pattern stuck on a loop, we can begin to live an unimportant life. Everything becomes ordinary, stale, and boring.
A stagnant and discontent emotion is the red flag telling you that your brain is stuck on a pattern loop. Replaying a habit, to create structure, to reinforce comfort. Comfort can be the demise of your dreams because our great endeavors do not live on comfort; they thrive on change!
While humans strive for excellence, our brain is trying to be the “overlord” searching for patterns to keep you in a specific structure. Driving the ship, so you don’t have to because your exhausted and need a rest from the stresses of life. It fears change and thrives on routine even if the routine is not good for us. BUT, our soul urges us in other directions that feel exciting and scary as fuck at the same time!
What are ways you can shake things up in your life, and how can you prepare for the inevitable feelings of fear?
Having a plan for those moments of regret that you know are illusions will be the difference in your success OR FAILURE. Remember, your brain needs structure/patterns to compute better, and having a plan for all those heart-aching moments will feed your monster. Give it something good to work with!
One of my favorite ways of knowing how to react on bad days is to recall in detail what my perfect days look, feel, and taste like! What am I wearing, and how does my home look? How do I think and is it because I’m doing something? What is that something? And my favorite, what am I eating and drinking? The hardest part about this exercise is making it a new habit because if you’re like me, then you don’t feel like doing shit on those bad days! Hiding under the covers binge watching Game of Thrones always enters my mind. During this battle of what to do next, I ALWAYS try to do the total opposite of what I think I have to do. If I want to sleep, I walk. If I want to eat a burger, I have a salad. If I want to work, I play. It’s a fun and longtime favorite “game” of children actually. It’s one of the best habits, and for some reason, we grow up believing we must forget such childish things because it is not responsible or mature. Your inner child knows a lot! Trust in her. She wants the world for you, and it’s probably been a long time since you’ve listened to her advice. Give her a chance.
The best part of this exercise is the total empowerment of making every decision. Being in charge of your brain is thrilling!
Being able to change the channel in your mind when you want is exactly how successful people live. It’s the answer to your problems big and small, and it’s a lost art.
I Remember this time my grandmother blew everything off for me. She acted like my parent’s divorce wasn’t even happening! I thought she didn’t understand the severity of the situation. But really, she was putting into action the creative exercise of doing the opposite and remembering what makes life better.
The people you look up to and admire know this stuff and have spent their entire life, making this habit an automatic reaction.
If you’re at the beginning of consciously changing your brain, it’s going to take years to get the results you’re looking for. There’s a myth out there that you can improve or develop new habits in 21 days. That’s false on so many levels. If I were you and wanted to make intentional positive changes that will last, I would begin right away! The key is to practice not to expect. Have fun with your failures and keep going at it until you have your dream results. I know from experience how long and disappointing significant change can be. I’ve failed so many times in a row that I almost gave up on some of the best life-altering heart popping unicorn rainbows in my life… sobriety.
Remember it’s normal for it not to work out the first few times. Sometimes it’s a matter of figuring out your unique perspective and process in how to do it your own way. Because no amount of words, money, or encouragement can give you what you’re looking for. Only you can figure it out. That’s why it so damn hard! But once you get through it, it’s a mere memory, and you’re happy and moving onto the next thing. (It’s never-ending so get used to it!)
Each time you’re able to practice this invaluable life tool of playing the opposite game, you WILL feel the results and SEE the fruits of your new choices. Better choices.
Sometimes chaos is goodness in disguise of something we are afraid of. It’s difficult to admit our fear but dangerous NOT TO acknowledge it inwardly. It’s even more critical when we do nothing about it. So many of us know what wrong but do zero about it. Be your own hero, and get changing! Don’t let the emotions and patterns in your life kill your dreams.