We all of us have had that moment through self-reflection where we see a trait in ourself that concerns us. We realize at this moment we have had this nasty little trait for some time and it’s a bit horrifying to know how long we were blind to its obvious negative impacts on our life.
One of my greatest traits is my ability to look at myself and find these undesirables. I want to find them. They are tricky and can hide, morph, and lie to me. They are out of site and in plain site. Some people even say this is the devils work which makes it ten times scarier for most.
One of my worst traits is that I have a lot of undesirable traits. Lol!
None of us want to have a daily personality habit that sabotages our success and so even the best of us have these mechanisms with which we hide the truths from ourself. To me it is quite interesting and part of my life’s work to figure out. For most of my readers, it’s a nightmare which cannot be dealt with.
We are taught at a very young age to stick by our beliefs. We decide something and then we hang on for dear life! Most of the time we are actually cloning someone else’s traits, beliefs, and desires in life. Parents, authority figures, and friends love to influence our decisions and essentially live through us. I can’t say I blame them because this is a human characteristic that has been developed since the beginning of time. We do this to educate the young and pass on our experience to save the people we care about from further pain. The problem with this is the system has become corrupt in my opinion. It is watered down and full of ego-based motives and fears that have been passed down in our family possibly for generations.
It has already been proven that emotions and generational traits can be passed down to the new generation. What if the emotion is fear of making your own decisions? And what if this nasty trait is then reinforced by the people you trust most because of their dna and their upbringing? You see, we become slaves before we realize it to undesirable ways of thinking and acting.
If our actions are instigated by our emotions all the time because we think we are right and most of our bad traits are hidden from our logical brain, how can we know how much of our life is truly authentic and being built to fulfill our destiny instead of aunts Marge’s? This is the part that really began to intrigue my curiosity! We can’t know until we begin a big experiment! And the first step is to examine our core beliefs and failures and see if we can find the devil in the details. This my friends, is where you will find your yellow brick road. But the journey can be very painful mentally and even physically. Our bodies love to stay on the same wavelength because it’s easier. We always talk about kids being sponges or pets being easy to train. We don’t change as we age, that is an old tale to help people cope with their undesirable traits when it’s too late to change their life. We train just as easy as the kids and the family cat or dog. The difference is, as adults we choose to not look at ourself anymore because we can. We are adults and can do what we want. But most of us are just robots doing as we are told and believing we are change-makers when in fact we are boring habits that go back generations. At some point, life becomes so difficult we choose autopilot and stick to our decisions. It’s easier and a whole lot less painful. We let the world dictate our decisions and concentrate on making the bills and making dinner and making love. Ha!
Some negative traits and emotions you may want to tackle because they’ve become too detrimental to your future success are…
- Being late
- Being a know it all
- Love struck
Let’s Create Real Awareness
It’s super easy to confuse self-reflection with down-talking. When you’re not used to using this part of your conscious mind, it can certainly seem like you’re beating yourself up and bring it all down. But you’re not if you follow these simple tips to a clear and authentic look inside the person you think you are.
- I recommend beginning this practice alone and preferably in the morning before the sun has risen for a quiet and meditative space. Grab anything you want to make you the most comfortable and take in a few deep breaths where you actually fill your tummy as far as you can.
- Now go deep into your mind and choose one emotion, character trait, or both, that you think is undesirable and bubbles to the surface the easiest. Don’t get overwhelmed here because there may be quite a few. Just pick one please.
- Now imagine yourself float away from your body and observe as many replays of this trait in action by memory! All the situations it has caused and all the times you feel it really led you down an unsuccessful path. This may be painful mentally and physically which is why you must continually imagine your viewing this from an observational view as opposed to being your body. Watch these scenes like a movie in your head. Picture yourself today watching these movies play out as slowly or as quickly as you feel comfortable.
- When you are ready, imagine you are now a world famous scientist and these movies and this practice is actually a big experiment and now you’re in a lab. (Be creative here just as you might play make believe as a little girl.) you have a notepad and what you are looking for is a pattern. There are common traits and decisions that link all of these bad movies together and it’s your job and role as the scientist and observer to find it. As in every job there is no crying and emotional breakdowns, this is a process of elimination and a theory until it becomes fact.
- Start listing in your mind or in a journal your findings and your possible theories that make your discoveries a possible fact.
- Write or think about what you’ve accomplished here. Be good to yourself and realize that the more you look deeply within yourself the easier it will be to live your life as authentically and successfully as possible. This is great work that I do myself on a weekly basis. It will advance your life by hyper speed and increase your emotional intelligence in ways you only dreamed of.
- The experiment is not over! Now, for the next couple of month you just recognize your findings in your daily personal life and professional career. Every time you recognize the behavior tied to the character trait you need to age a decision you normally would never make! This is the exciting part! If you miss your opportunity because you realize it after the fact don’t worry because another situation will come to the surface quicker than you know. This is because now you’ve taken the mask off of a part of yourself you were keeping hidden. It’s kind of like when you buy that new car and all of a sudden you see it everywhere. Same deal.
- Remember to forgive yourself and forgive your dna that sometimes might be driving you off a cliff. You are human and self-reflection is a difficult practice to master. Also, forgive those who will not understand you. You not here to change someone’s perspective or prove anything. You are here for you and the best way to surround yourself with success, alignments, and people who respect and love you for you is to concentrate on finding your best self in your own eyes.
Revisit this exercise on a weekly basis and you will make breakthroughs that make five years of your human life into what seems a lifetime ago. This very practice is something I have used to quit smoking, stop drinking alcohol, run a successful media company, find growth in my relationship of 23 years, attract clients and projects that still blow my mind, and create relationships and emotional experiences I can love. Most of all, it’s made me more of who I am. I live life by my book and make decisions based on what I believe instead of living a life in the past. My life my rules. Your life your rules.
Thank you for reading! I hope I have supported at least one woman out there to begin a process of strengthening the core of her business by revealing what I have learned in life. I LOVE hearing from my readers so please comment below!
Alley Jean – Brand Identity Architect