Courageous Women Cry Too

Courageous Women Cry Too

She is a brilliant badass of the world who hides behind a persona that was built on fear, perfection, and roles we made for her a long time ago. She seemingly has it all, and we wish we had more of what she has. We write her story every single day down here while she takes on her responsibilities and creates magic in 100% flow and pure joy.

BUT

Courageous women are afraid of many things and don’t get credit for it. They go through life fearless and quickly, unlike everyone else who has such a difficult time and tells all of us about it.

The ones who need the most help in life usually don’t get it because in our eyes they are doing great! Everyone around her genuinely believes she has it more manageable and can get through any kind of turmoil. Often she does not receive the emotional support she needs and can even feel lonely when surrounded by the people who love her the most.

When things go wrong for her, and she reaches out, often the response is so below expectations that she tries to never show this imperfect and weak side of her again to the world. Her rare moment of open vulnerability might be her last visibly authentic window, and most of us miss this urgent smoke signal she makes for us. Most of us don’t experience this side of her personality because women at the top are really good at hiding the loose-ends, keeping the screams on the inside, and the unicorn tears from showing.

We create a story and a role for her because we know everything, right?! We know she is more than okay! I mean, look at her! She is so rich, sparkly, says all the right things, is the best mom, has more hours in the day than we do, AND finds time to have perfect health. She definitely doesn’t need our help, we need hers!

Maybe not.

Maybe, she is as frightened as you about not meeting expectations or fulfilling what she believes is her purpose in life. She feels out of touch, and she ignores all the red flags because she has reached out before, and it makes her feel worse! No one gets her. She even feels guilty that she doesn’t have enough gratitude for what she has built in life. She knows her status and pushes all the feelings down and resumes her role even though her soul is becoming worn, torn, and tattered on the inside.

Why doesn’t anyone really know her or want to help her? Why can’t she just tell the world how much she values them and that she needs their help? Why does she wear a mask? Why does she think she has to hold up such a perfectly stoic sensibility and strength for everyone but herself? Why can’t anyone see past all her sparkly facades?

It’s human nature to turn a blindside to something obviously going on right in front of them. Your family, your colleagues, the world, will never know everything you personally go through to get to the finish line. And once you hit your powerful and exciting successful stride and are living in your future that you have always dreamed of… “they” will put you in the same league as HER and you may feel these same emotions if you’ve never been there before. It can turn entrepreneurs dreams into failure & hiding really quick.

People get knocked off their unicorn every single day, and no one can figure out just what went wrong! Maybe, they just needed a little help. Perhaps, they didn’t realize how out of touch they became. And it is possible, no matter how high we rise, the work is never done and the potential for our shadow-self to re-emerge even years later is possible!

  • We like to lie to ourselves and others.
  • We are all easily influenced.
  • We all follow the heard like pretty little sheep and act as if we are not.
  • We are habit forming creatures, just like your pets.
  • We are human.

Why must we put others on pedestals and create fabricated stories to fit our own narrative? Is it that hard to have complete trust in the unknown? Is it too much to ask that you have faith in yourself? (Sometimes, I wonder if these emotional reactions are because we don’t know how to create goals properly.)

We regularly complete stories for HER as if we are gods from our favorite fable or movie—and we honestly believe, without facts, that our view from our window is the right one.

Do you know how many times I’ve finally received the actual story from someone and had to apologize (even if only quietly to myself) that I had their story wrong? Quite a few. And people hate to apologize about the important stuff.

Assuming makes up most of the problems in this world. It’s like a disease and if you’re not assuming you are getting your answers from your intuition, right? How about reaching out and asking the person first before creating these stories that are made for you and all about you and, so you have something to look up to?

Everyone struggles and everyone hurts no matter who they are or how protected or privileged their life seems from the outside. Maybe you are being unjustly judged right now!

Have you thought about how your reactions to the roles we have put you in are affecting the choices you make in life? If you are going through life as the warrior but inside feel like no one has helped you in years, what can this mean for you and your future?! It is scary when you realize the stories people have created for you, inspired by you, can be a source of unhappiness and a breeding ground for inauthentic decisions! We have a hard time thinking for ourselves but say otherwise. We become other peoples stories and do not even realize we are adapting to this fake role we have been playing for YEARS.

What role are you playing that is keeping you from being helped?

Self-reflection on a weekly basis is an important practice.

We are creative beings who live in a world that can shake us off whenever she wants to. Be careful about how you spend your time here and have responsibility for your self-reflection and perspectives on others around you. Because sometimes the person hurt or scared the most is the least likely person you suspect.

Courageous women cry and need help too. Don’t put them on your pedestal; and if you are one of them, ask for help.

Be free this year and live gracefully and lightheartedly in the unknown! This is where real power lives.

Have a humble and brave week.

I send this out in love and pure unicorn timing. xoxo

Momentum Is Magical!

Momentum Is Magical!

We are not okay with chaos and chance. It’s human nature to seek out patterns everywhere. Knowing what’s going to happen, or at least being pretty sure of it can be the difference between happy and having a total meltdown for most of us.

We are the worlds most sophisticated pattern machine. You/Me/We are calculating patterns and predictions at an evolved rate! Especially as life speeds up and digital technology becomes more ingrained in our everyday journey.

The structure is everything to us even when it means creating one (a pattern) where it doesn’t exist. Realistically and philosophically it can be useful and detrimental. Our freedom of choice and education, coupled with street smarts is all we have to calculate these choices.

Momentum-Is-Magical-Your-Business-Can-Thrive-Portrait

Freedom of Choice: You’re in a burning building and receive a phone call telling you to “stay put for safety reasons.” You can see this situation is out of everyone’s control and leave anyways. You live while the group you were just with is now gone forever.

Education: during a business retreat in Maui, one of your colleagues starts drowning! A powerful man nearby drags him out of the ocean and onto the dry, hot beach. You remember your training as a child from CPR swim class and begin giving him mouth-to-mouth. Within seconds he spits up the ocean water, and you have saved his life!

Street Smarts: You’ve been preparing for months and have gone through five different interview meetings for a job that will change your life. The phone rings and the woman on the other end explains someone else has received the position and thank you. Instead of going into a deep depression, you move forward effortlessly to the next endeavor. Your reaction to defeating news is much better than someone who hasn’t had experienced negative situations. You haven’t led a sheltered life and find a great job within a week of hearing the bad news. You’re now celebrating!

The experience behind these 3 assets that we all can grow is essential to separating fact from adverse pattern recognition.

When we see, think, or feel things because of a pattern stuck on a loop, we can begin to live an unimportant life. Everything becomes ordinary, stale, and boring.

A stagnant and discontent emotion is the red flag telling you that your brain is stuck on a pattern loop. Replaying a habit, to create structure, to reinforce comfort. Comfort can be the demise of your dreams because our great endeavors do not live on comfort; they thrive on change!

While humans strive for excellence, our brain is trying to be the “overlord” searching for patterns to keep you in a specific structure. Driving the ship, so you don’t have to because your exhausted and need a rest from the stresses of life. It fears change and thrives on routine even if the routine is not good for us. BUT, our soul urges us in other directions that feel exciting and scary as fuck at the same time!

What are ways you can shake things up in your life, and how can you prepare for the inevitable feelings of fear?

Having a plan for those moments of regret that you know are illusions will be the difference in your success OR FAILURE. Remember, your brain needs structure/patterns to compute better, and having a plan for all those heart-aching moments will feed your monster. Give it something good to work with!

One of my favorite ways of knowing how to react on bad days is to recall in detail what my perfect days look, feel, and taste like! What am I wearing, and how does my home look? How do I think and is it because I’m doing something? What is that something? And my favorite, what am I eating and drinking? The hardest part about this exercise is making it a new habit because if you’re like me, then you don’t feel like doing shit on those bad days! Hiding under the covers binge watching Game of Thrones always enters my mind. During this battle of what to do next, I ALWAYS try to do the total opposite of what I think I have to do. If I want to sleep, I walk. If I want to eat a burger, I have a salad. If I want to work, I play. It’s a fun and longtime favorite “game” of children actually. It’s one of the best habits, and for some reason, we grow up believing we must forget such childish things because it is not responsible or mature. Your inner child knows a lot! Trust in her. She wants the world for you, and it’s probably been a long time since you’ve listened to her advice. Give her a chance.

The best part of this exercise is the total empowerment of making every decision. Being in charge of your brain is thrilling!

Being able to change the channel in your mind when you want is exactly how successful people live. It’s the answer to your problems big and small, and it’s a lost art.

I Remember this time my grandmother blew everything off for me. She acted like my parent’s divorce wasn’t even happening! I thought she didn’t understand the severity of the situation. But really, she was putting into action the creative exercise of doing the opposite and remembering what makes life better.

The people you look up to and admire know this stuff and have spent their entire life, making this habit an automatic reaction.

If you’re at the beginning of consciously changing your brain, it’s going to take years to get the results you’re looking for. There’s a myth out there that you can improve or develop new habits in 21 days. That’s false on so many levels. If I were you and wanted to make intentional positive changes that will last, I would begin right away! The key is to practice not to expect. Have fun with your failures and keep going at it until you have your dream results. I know from experience how long and disappointing significant change can be. I’ve failed so many times in a row that I almost gave up on some of the best life-altering heart popping unicorn rainbows in my life… sobriety.

Remember it’s normal for it not to work out the first few times. Sometimes it’s a matter of figuring out your unique perspective and process in how to do it your own way. Because no amount of words, money, or encouragement can give you what you’re looking for. Only you can figure it out. That’s why it so damn hard! But once you get through it, it’s a mere memory, and you’re happy and moving onto the next thing. (It’s never-ending so get used to it!)

Each time you’re able to practice this invaluable life tool of playing the opposite game, you WILL feel the results and SEE the fruits of your new choices. Better choices.

Sometimes chaos is goodness in disguise of something we are afraid of. It’s difficult to admit our fear but dangerous NOT TO acknowledge it inwardly. It’s even more critical when we do nothing about it. So many of us know what wrong but do zero about it. Be your own hero, and get changing! Don’t let the emotions and patterns in your life kill your dreams.

Your Brain On Loop and How to Change It!

Your Brain On Loop and How to Change It!

We are not okay with chaos and chance. It’s human nature to seek out patterns everywhere. Knowing what’s going to happen, or at least being pretty sure of it can be the difference between happy and having a total meltdown for most of us.

We are the worlds most sophisticated pattern machine. You/Me/We are calculating patterns and predictions at an evolved rate! Especially as life speeds up and digital technology becomes more ingrained in our everyday journey.

The structure is everything to us even when it means creating one (a pattern) where it doesn’t exist. Realistically and philosophically it can be useful and detrimental. Our freedom of choice and education, coupled with street smarts is all we have to calculate these choices.

Freedom of Choice: You’re in a burning building and receive a phone call telling you to “stay put for safety reasons.” You can see this situation is out of everyone’s control and leave anyways. You live while the group you were just with is now gone forever.

Education: during a business retreat in Maui, one of your colleagues starts drowning! A powerful man nearby drags him out of the ocean and onto the dry, hot beach. You remember your training as a child from CPR swim class and begin giving him mouth-to-mouth. Within seconds he spits up the ocean water, and you have saved his life!

Street Smarts: You’ve been preparing for months and have gone through five different interview meetings for a job that will change your life. The phone rings and the woman on the other end explains someone else has received the position and thank you. Instead of going into a deep depression, you move forward effortlessly to the next endeavor. Your reaction to defeating news is much better than someone who hasn’t had experienced negative situations. You haven’t led a sheltered life and find a great job within a week of hearing the bad news. You’re now celebrating!

The experience behind these 3 assets that we all can grow is essential to separating fact from adverse pattern recognition.

When we see, think, or feel things because of a pattern stuck on a loop, we can begin to live an unimportant life. Everything becomes ordinary, stale, and boring.

A stagnant and discontent emotion is the red flag telling you that your brain is stuck on a pattern loop. Replaying a habit, to create structure, to reinforce comfort. Comfort can be the demise of your dreams because our great endeavors do not live on comfort; they thrive on change!

While humans strive for excellence, our brain is trying to be the “overlord” searching for patterns to keep you in a specific structure. Driving the ship, so you don’t have to because your exhausted and need a rest from the stresses of life. It fears change and thrives on routine even if the routine is not good for us. BUT, our soul urges us in other directions that feel exciting and scary as fuck at the same time!

What are ways you can shake things up in your life, and how can you prepare for the inevitable feelings of fear?

Having a plan for those moments of regret that you know are illusions will be the difference in your success OR FAILURE. Remember, your brain needs structure/patterns to compute better, and having a plan for all those heart-aching moments will feed your monster. Give it something good to work with!

One of my favorite ways of knowing how to react on bad days is to recall in detail what my perfect days look, feel, and taste like! What am I wearing, and how does my home look? How do I think and is it because I’m doing something? What is that something? And my favorite, what am I eating and drinking? The hardest part about this exercise is making it a new habit because if you’re like me, then you don’t feel like doing shit on those bad days! Hiding under the covers binge watching Game of Thrones always enters my mind. During this battle of what to do next, I ALWAYS try to do the total opposite of what I think I have to do. If I want to sleep, I walk. If I want to eat a burger, I have a salad. If I want to work, I play. It’s a fun and longtime favorite “game” of children actually. It’s one of the best habits, and for some reason, we grow up believing we must forget such childish things because it is not responsible or mature. Your inner child knows a lot! Trust in her. She wants the world for you, and it’s probably been a long time since you’ve listened to her advice. Give her a chance.

The best part of this exercise is the total empowerment of making every decision. Being in charge of your brain is thrilling!

Being able to change the channel in your mind when you want is exactly how successful people live. It’s the answer to your problems big and small, and it’s a lost art.

I Remember this time my grandmother blew everything off for me. She acted like my parent’s divorce wasn’t even happening! I thought she didn’t understand the severity of the situation. But really, she was putting into action the creative exercise of doing the opposite and remembering what makes life better.

The people you look up to and admire know this stuff and have spent their entire life, making this habit an automatic reaction.

If you’re at the beginning of consciously changing your brain, it’s going to take years to get the results you’re looking for. There’s a myth out there that you can improve or develop new habits in 21 days. That’s false on so many levels. If I were you and wanted to make intentional positive changes that will last, I would begin right away! The key is to practice not to expect. Have fun with your failures and keep going at it until you have your dream results. I know from experience how long and disappointing significant change can be. I’ve failed so many times in a row that I almost gave up on some of the best life-altering heart popping unicorn rainbows in my life… sobriety.

Remember it’s normal for it not to work out the first few times. Sometimes it’s a matter of figuring out your unique perspective and process in how to do it your own way. Because no amount of words, money, or encouragement can give you what you’re looking for. Only you can figure it out. That’s why it so damn hard! But once you get through it, it’s a mere memory, and you’re happy and moving onto the next thing. (It’s never-ending so get used to it!)

Each time you’re able to practice this invaluable life tool of playing the opposite game, you WILL feel the results and SEE the fruits of your new choices. Better choices.

Sometimes chaos is goodness in disguise of something we are afraid of. It’s difficult to admit our fear but dangerous NOT TO acknowledge it inwardly. It’s even more critical when we do nothing about it. So many of us know what wrong but do zero about it. Be your own hero, and get changing! Don’t let the emotions and patterns in your life kill your dreams.

Livestreaming is Hell – Or is it the best thing thing ever?!

Livestreaming is Hell – Or is it the best thing thing ever?!

My heartbeat was racing, and it seemed like I could feel every nerve and electric current in my body as I chose to GO LIVE on social media. You would have thought I was about to receive an injection at the doctor!

My last thought as the countdown began was, “I look terrible and don’t know what to say, I wish I would not have pushed this Livestream button. ugh!” There I was in front of the entire world looking like a fool and feeling less like an expert with every second. The time felt like a warp in my mind and was I breaking out in hives? “This was a mistake.” I thought as words came out of my mouth that I could not hear or process. It felt as if I was in a dream. “This is not going to be easy,” I thought.

Moreover, it has not been easy for me or anyone in the beginning. Going LIVE on any platform is difficult until we have done it many times. Just like riding a bike, you fall, and you get back up and ride again. I have seen professional actors and famous entrepreneurs show up LIVE and have awkward moments, screwups, connection issues and more! Having second thoughts and butterflies is not only for the inexperienced!

So let me tell you why you should go LIVE, how you can do it, and where you should do it.

WHY?
If your brand needs more visibility livestreaming is the best way to accomplish this goal. All video shares on social media, your website, emails, and webinars, will get seen 55%+ more views than a traditional post. You can trust a company much easier when meeting the owner and Livestreams are the best way to meet people at the moment all over the world.

Traditionally the amount of “touches” it took for a sale to go through from the first moment they saw your solution online was around ten. When using Livestreaming as a communication tool on social media, the number of “touches” drops significantly to five times instead of ten! So what might have taken you ten weeks to complete a sales cycle now comes full circle in 5 weeks.

Creating relationships, driving home your critical messages of why your service or product is a solution to your ideal client is done best by video. Picture you and me in a room, and I am explaining all of this to you in person. We are drinking tea, everything chillaxed, and you are getting to know the real me, and you kind of dig my personality and are paying attention more to what I am trying to say. You see me; you are a part of my small circle while we Livestream! (It is hard not to love a unicorn) Well, the kind of experience we get closest to when it comes to an in-person meeting would be talking to our audience LIVE.

You begin to make more profits and people start to seek you out instead of the old scenario of you hunting customers down until you feel happy and relieved with your success and wait for the loop to start the hunt all over again.

You learn about yourself and start attracting ideal clients, opportunities, and authentic collaborations.

You begin to speak your truth, talk about your process, service, products, skills, and background story with ease. If Oprah shows up unannounced, you’ll be ready!

Videos get you SEEN in a congested world of “look at me! Look at me!” and you will begin to stand out and rise up in the world!

Google loves video content on your website, and with regular vlogs (video blogs) they will start moving you up the ranks!

Again, bringing someone into your immediate circle LIVE is a personalized and high-level approach to marketing and sales. People will appreciate you and no matter how fearful it feels someone watching is going to think you are a badass!

HOW + Where:

Facebook – From any smart device go to the video icon in a typical post area and click on it to be taken to the next screen to input your title, check how you look and add any tags. From here, you will press the GO LIVE button at the bottom! There is a 3-second countdown. Moreover, in the end, you have the option of posting and downloading your video to social media and your device. A ton of people watch #replays of your, and you can repurpose these videos by adding them to blogs and sending them out in emails for marketing and sales.

Instagram – You can only Livestream on this social media platform from your phone or tablet, and you have an hour to do it whereas other platforms you can stream indefinitely. You may also download your video at the end if you choose to.

Twitter – Available on your smartphone or tablet app, you choose the red and aqua Periscope Live Icon in your post. After clicking the icon, you see a screen where you can check lighting and add your title, then press the red go LIVE button! Easy peasy.

Periscope – You can access Periscope directly on their website or by clicking their aqua and red icon in the post. These people are leading the way when it comes to Livestreaming and strives to improve LIVE sharable moments globally. Facebook has always been my jam, but I am looking to up-level to Periscope immediately following this posting.

Tips:
1. Try to have good lighting and invest in ring lights for your phone, tablet, and studio space. The light source should be in front of you.
2. Have a good sense of humor when it comes to being imperfect. Your phone is going to slip and fall, you may show up upside down, and your connection will fail at some point.
3. Make sure all your software and apps are always up to date! The first thing to be affected by old software is safety, audio, and app connection.
4. You can’t mess up being yourself, so please show up as you and not some alter-ego, super perfect, and “dressed to the nines” you… people want the authentic experience which is why Livestreaming is so popular.
5. Practice every week no matter what!
6. Start a list of topics, show & tells, and educational information you can start sharing with the world right now.

There is no perfect moment to begin experimenting with these Livestreaming tools for your business. It will only get you to where your going faster and isn’t that what you want?

Ready for more support with your online visibility and global brand identity? Let’s do this together! Find out more about Alley Jean and working with her 1:1 to bring your dreams to the world’s stage! Book a call with Alley Jean today to discuss your creative business goals.

Thanks for your support all these years everyone! I value you so much. Feel free to leave comments. I love them.

 

 

Brand Identity Architect, Web Designer, Online Business Strategist, Online Visibility Coach & Mentor (and unicorn)

PS. If you have any personal emotions of doubt, shame, or fear of failure… you’re need to read this POST ABOUT SHAME and how it can destroy your career.