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Courageous Women Cry Too

Courageous Women Cry Too

She is a brilliant badass of the world who hides behind a persona that was built on fear, perfection, and roles we made for her a long time ago. She seemingly has it all, and we wish we had more of what she has. We write her story every single day down here while she takes on her responsibilities and creates magic in 100% flow and pure joy.

BUT

Courageous women are afraid of many things and don’t get credit for it. They go through life fearless and quickly, unlike everyone else who has such a difficult time and tells all of us about it.

The ones who need the most help in life usually don’t get it because in our eyes they are doing great! Everyone around her genuinely believes she has it more manageable and can get through any kind of turmoil. Often she does not receive the emotional support she needs and can even feel lonely when surrounded by the people who love her the most.

When things go wrong for her, and she reaches out, often the response is so below expectations that she tries to never show this imperfect and weak side of her again to the world. Her rare moment of open vulnerability might be her last visibly authentic window, and most of us miss this urgent smoke signal she makes for us. Most of us don’t experience this side of her personality because women at the top are really good at hiding the loose-ends, keeping the screams on the inside, and the unicorn tears from showing.

We create a story and a role for her because we know everything, right?! We know she is more than okay! I mean, look at her! She is so rich, sparkly, says all the right things, is the best mom, has more hours in the day than we do, AND finds time to have perfect health. She definitely doesn’t need our help, we need hers!

Maybe not.

Maybe, she is as frightened as you about not meeting expectations or fulfilling what she believes is her purpose in life. She feels out of touch, and she ignores all the red flags because she has reached out before, and it makes her feel worse! No one gets her. She even feels guilty that she doesn’t have enough gratitude for what she has built in life. She knows her status and pushes all the feelings down and resumes her role even though her soul is becoming worn, torn, and tattered on the inside.

Why doesn’t anyone really know her or want to help her? Why can’t she just tell the world how much she values them and that she needs their help? Why does she wear a mask? Why does she think she has to hold up such a perfectly stoic sensibility and strength for everyone but herself? Why can’t anyone see past all her sparkly facades?

It’s human nature to turn a blindside to something obviously going on right in front of them. Your family, your colleagues, the world, will never know everything you personally go through to get to the finish line. And once you hit your powerful and exciting successful stride and are living in your future that you have always dreamed of… “they” will put you in the same league as HER and you may feel these same emotions if you’ve never been there before. It can turn entrepreneurs dreams into failure & hiding really quick.

People get knocked off their unicorn every single day, and no one can figure out just what went wrong! Maybe, they just needed a little help. Perhaps, they didn’t realize how out of touch they became. And it is possible, no matter how high we rise, the work is never done and the potential for our shadow-self to re-emerge even years later is possible!

  • We like to lie to ourselves and others.
  • We are all easily influenced.
  • We all follow the heard like pretty little sheep and act as if we are not.
  • We are habit forming creatures, just like your pets.
  • We are human.

Why must we put others on pedestals and create fabricated stories to fit our own narrative? Is it that hard to have complete trust in the unknown? Is it too much to ask that you have faith in yourself? (Sometimes, I wonder if these emotional reactions are because we don’t know how to create goals properly.)

We regularly complete stories for HER as if we are gods from our favorite fable or movie—and we honestly believe, without facts, that our view from our window is the right one.

Do you know how many times I’ve finally received the actual story from someone and had to apologize (even if only quietly to myself) that I had their story wrong? Quite a few. And people hate to apologize about the important stuff.

Assuming makes up most of the problems in this world. It’s like a disease and if you’re not assuming you are getting your answers from your intuition, right? How about reaching out and asking the person first before creating these stories that are made for you and all about you and, so you have something to look up to?

Everyone struggles and everyone hurts no matter who they are or how protected or privileged their life seems from the outside. Maybe you are being unjustly judged right now!

Have you thought about how your reactions to the roles we have put you in are affecting the choices you make in life? If you are going through life as the warrior but inside feel like no one has helped you in years, what can this mean for you and your future?! It is scary when you realize the stories people have created for you, inspired by you, can be a source of unhappiness and a breeding ground for inauthentic decisions! We have a hard time thinking for ourselves but say otherwise. We become other peoples stories and do not even realize we are adapting to this fake role we have been playing for YEARS.

What role are you playing that is keeping you from being helped?

Self-reflection on a weekly basis is an important practice.

We are creative beings who live in a world that can shake us off whenever she wants to. Be careful about how you spend your time here and have responsibility for your self-reflection and perspectives on others around you. Because sometimes the person hurt or scared the most is the least likely person you suspect.

Courageous women cry and need help too. Don’t put them on your pedestal; and if you are one of them, ask for help.

Be free this year and live gracefully and lightheartedly in the unknown! This is where real power lives.

Have a humble and brave week.

I send this out in love and pure unicorn timing. xoxo

Momentum Is Magical!

Momentum Is Magical!

We are not okay with chaos and chance. It’s human nature to seek out patterns everywhere. Knowing what’s going to happen, or at least being pretty sure of it can be the difference between happy and having a total meltdown for most of us.

We are the worlds most sophisticated pattern machine. You/Me/We are calculating patterns and predictions at an evolved rate! Especially as life speeds up and digital technology becomes more ingrained in our everyday journey.

The structure is everything to us even when it means creating one (a pattern) where it doesn’t exist. Realistically and philosophically it can be useful and detrimental. Our freedom of choice and education, coupled with street smarts is all we have to calculate these choices.

Momentum-Is-Magical-Your-Business-Can-Thrive-Portrait

Freedom of Choice: You’re in a burning building and receive a phone call telling you to “stay put for safety reasons.” You can see this situation is out of everyone’s control and leave anyways. You live while the group you were just with is now gone forever.

Education: during a business retreat in Maui, one of your colleagues starts drowning! A powerful man nearby drags him out of the ocean and onto the dry, hot beach. You remember your training as a child from CPR swim class and begin giving him mouth-to-mouth. Within seconds he spits up the ocean water, and you have saved his life!

Street Smarts: You’ve been preparing for months and have gone through five different interview meetings for a job that will change your life. The phone rings and the woman on the other end explains someone else has received the position and thank you. Instead of going into a deep depression, you move forward effortlessly to the next endeavor. Your reaction to defeating news is much better than someone who hasn’t had experienced negative situations. You haven’t led a sheltered life and find a great job within a week of hearing the bad news. You’re now celebrating!

The experience behind these 3 assets that we all can grow is essential to separating fact from adverse pattern recognition.

When we see, think, or feel things because of a pattern stuck on a loop, we can begin to live an unimportant life. Everything becomes ordinary, stale, and boring.

A stagnant and discontent emotion is the red flag telling you that your brain is stuck on a pattern loop. Replaying a habit, to create structure, to reinforce comfort. Comfort can be the demise of your dreams because our great endeavors do not live on comfort; they thrive on change!

While humans strive for excellence, our brain is trying to be the “overlord” searching for patterns to keep you in a specific structure. Driving the ship, so you don’t have to because your exhausted and need a rest from the stresses of life. It fears change and thrives on routine even if the routine is not good for us. BUT, our soul urges us in other directions that feel exciting and scary as fuck at the same time!

What are ways you can shake things up in your life, and how can you prepare for the inevitable feelings of fear?

Having a plan for those moments of regret that you know are illusions will be the difference in your success OR FAILURE. Remember, your brain needs structure/patterns to compute better, and having a plan for all those heart-aching moments will feed your monster. Give it something good to work with!

One of my favorite ways of knowing how to react on bad days is to recall in detail what my perfect days look, feel, and taste like! What am I wearing, and how does my home look? How do I think and is it because I’m doing something? What is that something? And my favorite, what am I eating and drinking? The hardest part about this exercise is making it a new habit because if you’re like me, then you don’t feel like doing shit on those bad days! Hiding under the covers binge watching Game of Thrones always enters my mind. During this battle of what to do next, I ALWAYS try to do the total opposite of what I think I have to do. If I want to sleep, I walk. If I want to eat a burger, I have a salad. If I want to work, I play. It’s a fun and longtime favorite “game” of children actually. It’s one of the best habits, and for some reason, we grow up believing we must forget such childish things because it is not responsible or mature. Your inner child knows a lot! Trust in her. She wants the world for you, and it’s probably been a long time since you’ve listened to her advice. Give her a chance.

The best part of this exercise is the total empowerment of making every decision. Being in charge of your brain is thrilling!

Being able to change the channel in your mind when you want is exactly how successful people live. It’s the answer to your problems big and small, and it’s a lost art.

I Remember this time my grandmother blew everything off for me. She acted like my parent’s divorce wasn’t even happening! I thought she didn’t understand the severity of the situation. But really, she was putting into action the creative exercise of doing the opposite and remembering what makes life better.

The people you look up to and admire know this stuff and have spent their entire life, making this habit an automatic reaction.

If you’re at the beginning of consciously changing your brain, it’s going to take years to get the results you’re looking for. There’s a myth out there that you can improve or develop new habits in 21 days. That’s false on so many levels. If I were you and wanted to make intentional positive changes that will last, I would begin right away! The key is to practice not to expect. Have fun with your failures and keep going at it until you have your dream results. I know from experience how long and disappointing significant change can be. I’ve failed so many times in a row that I almost gave up on some of the best life-altering heart popping unicorn rainbows in my life… sobriety.

Remember it’s normal for it not to work out the first few times. Sometimes it’s a matter of figuring out your unique perspective and process in how to do it your own way. Because no amount of words, money, or encouragement can give you what you’re looking for. Only you can figure it out. That’s why it so damn hard! But once you get through it, it’s a mere memory, and you’re happy and moving onto the next thing. (It’s never-ending so get used to it!)

Each time you’re able to practice this invaluable life tool of playing the opposite game, you WILL feel the results and SEE the fruits of your new choices. Better choices.

Sometimes chaos is goodness in disguise of something we are afraid of. It’s difficult to admit our fear but dangerous NOT TO acknowledge it inwardly. It’s even more critical when we do nothing about it. So many of us know what wrong but do zero about it. Be your own hero, and get changing! Don’t let the emotions and patterns in your life kill your dreams.

Your Brain On Loop and How to Change It!

Your Brain On Loop and How to Change It!

We are not okay with chaos and chance. It’s human nature to seek out patterns everywhere. Knowing what’s going to happen, or at least being pretty sure of it can be the difference between happy and having a total meltdown for most of us.

We are the worlds most sophisticated pattern machine. You/Me/We are calculating patterns and predictions at an evolved rate! Especially as life speeds up and digital technology becomes more ingrained in our everyday journey.

The structure is everything to us even when it means creating one (a pattern) where it doesn’t exist. Realistically and philosophically it can be useful and detrimental. Our freedom of choice and education, coupled with street smarts is all we have to calculate these choices.

Freedom of Choice: You’re in a burning building and receive a phone call telling you to “stay put for safety reasons.” You can see this situation is out of everyone’s control and leave anyways. You live while the group you were just with is now gone forever.

Education: during a business retreat in Maui, one of your colleagues starts drowning! A powerful man nearby drags him out of the ocean and onto the dry, hot beach. You remember your training as a child from CPR swim class and begin giving him mouth-to-mouth. Within seconds he spits up the ocean water, and you have saved his life!

Street Smarts: You’ve been preparing for months and have gone through five different interview meetings for a job that will change your life. The phone rings and the woman on the other end explains someone else has received the position and thank you. Instead of going into a deep depression, you move forward effortlessly to the next endeavor. Your reaction to defeating news is much better than someone who hasn’t had experienced negative situations. You haven’t led a sheltered life and find a great job within a week of hearing the bad news. You’re now celebrating!

The experience behind these 3 assets that we all can grow is essential to separating fact from adverse pattern recognition.

When we see, think, or feel things because of a pattern stuck on a loop, we can begin to live an unimportant life. Everything becomes ordinary, stale, and boring.

A stagnant and discontent emotion is the red flag telling you that your brain is stuck on a pattern loop. Replaying a habit, to create structure, to reinforce comfort. Comfort can be the demise of your dreams because our great endeavors do not live on comfort; they thrive on change!

While humans strive for excellence, our brain is trying to be the “overlord” searching for patterns to keep you in a specific structure. Driving the ship, so you don’t have to because your exhausted and need a rest from the stresses of life. It fears change and thrives on routine even if the routine is not good for us. BUT, our soul urges us in other directions that feel exciting and scary as fuck at the same time!

What are ways you can shake things up in your life, and how can you prepare for the inevitable feelings of fear?

Having a plan for those moments of regret that you know are illusions will be the difference in your success OR FAILURE. Remember, your brain needs structure/patterns to compute better, and having a plan for all those heart-aching moments will feed your monster. Give it something good to work with!

One of my favorite ways of knowing how to react on bad days is to recall in detail what my perfect days look, feel, and taste like! What am I wearing, and how does my home look? How do I think and is it because I’m doing something? What is that something? And my favorite, what am I eating and drinking? The hardest part about this exercise is making it a new habit because if you’re like me, then you don’t feel like doing shit on those bad days! Hiding under the covers binge watching Game of Thrones always enters my mind. During this battle of what to do next, I ALWAYS try to do the total opposite of what I think I have to do. If I want to sleep, I walk. If I want to eat a burger, I have a salad. If I want to work, I play. It’s a fun and longtime favorite “game” of children actually. It’s one of the best habits, and for some reason, we grow up believing we must forget such childish things because it is not responsible or mature. Your inner child knows a lot! Trust in her. She wants the world for you, and it’s probably been a long time since you’ve listened to her advice. Give her a chance.

The best part of this exercise is the total empowerment of making every decision. Being in charge of your brain is thrilling!

Being able to change the channel in your mind when you want is exactly how successful people live. It’s the answer to your problems big and small, and it’s a lost art.

I Remember this time my grandmother blew everything off for me. She acted like my parent’s divorce wasn’t even happening! I thought she didn’t understand the severity of the situation. But really, she was putting into action the creative exercise of doing the opposite and remembering what makes life better.

The people you look up to and admire know this stuff and have spent their entire life, making this habit an automatic reaction.

If you’re at the beginning of consciously changing your brain, it’s going to take years to get the results you’re looking for. There’s a myth out there that you can improve or develop new habits in 21 days. That’s false on so many levels. If I were you and wanted to make intentional positive changes that will last, I would begin right away! The key is to practice not to expect. Have fun with your failures and keep going at it until you have your dream results. I know from experience how long and disappointing significant change can be. I’ve failed so many times in a row that I almost gave up on some of the best life-altering heart popping unicorn rainbows in my life… sobriety.

Remember it’s normal for it not to work out the first few times. Sometimes it’s a matter of figuring out your unique perspective and process in how to do it your own way. Because no amount of words, money, or encouragement can give you what you’re looking for. Only you can figure it out. That’s why it so damn hard! But once you get through it, it’s a mere memory, and you’re happy and moving onto the next thing. (It’s never-ending so get used to it!)

Each time you’re able to practice this invaluable life tool of playing the opposite game, you WILL feel the results and SEE the fruits of your new choices. Better choices.

Sometimes chaos is goodness in disguise of something we are afraid of. It’s difficult to admit our fear but dangerous NOT TO acknowledge it inwardly. It’s even more critical when we do nothing about it. So many of us know what wrong but do zero about it. Be your own hero, and get changing! Don’t let the emotions and patterns in your life kill your dreams.

Taking Flight

Taking Flight

The coffee chimes, “done!” and I can’t even remember making it. Getting ready to leave for work has turned into a routine that deep down inside is killing me, but, I swipe on some red lipstick, heels, grab my coffee, and go!

I am numb.
I am trying to be grateful.
I am working for Rolling Stone.
I am a robot version of myself.

I turn up Oasis on my mixed CD and force all my thoughts deep down and take a drag on a cigarette. As I drive into traffic, I start to get into a groove and begin to feel good. I think about the weekend and start swaying into your classic car dancing. I stop for another coffee even though I don’t have time. I know I am sabotaging my reliability as an employee on purpose and wait in the long Starbucks line for my weekly splurge that somehow calms down my thoughts of heading to the airport and running away from life itself. I am not happy, and I have no idea how to fix it. Now I have to race to work!

Punching in the secret alarm setting after riding up 13-floors, I feel a sense of my own entrapment, and again I feel guilty for not appreciating what I have instead of what I really want. I don’t even know what I want/need; I just know THIS is not it. Though my title says “Manager,” I feel more like an intern as I make the first pot of coffee for everyone. As people begin to trickle in behind me (Even late I was still always first to the office.) I try not to think about how much I want to leave and take photographs of the trees that are covered in ice. It is Winter here in Michigan, and we just had our annual freezing rain spectacular! Everyone complains about Michigan weather, but this is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen, and on this day it is all I can think about while I secretly wish for a great cover story to take the day off!

I start planning in the back of my mind what I would be doing if I wasn’t chained to this gray cubicle of madness. All of a sudden I snap back to reality and have no idea how I’ve just updated the monthly report… again, I am on automatic. My default answer to everyone is, “I am on top of it!” and I know I am not because there is something else I should be doing with my life. I think about the college courses I have been taking and hope it is going to give me wings. Tonight I have a presentation in class, and I am not even done. The Detroit Auto Show is here, and I have been working over 50 hours a week trying to prepare for the editors coming. Everyone is frantic, and I act like I am not. My rebel kicks in and I feel an urgent need to tell everyone off and leave. It’s not their fault, but it seems like it is at this moment. I know I am getting sick but push that off too because it really doesn’t matter. Day after day, one-weekend blur party after another, this is the scene–I am on rinse and repeat in my own hell I have created. Why do I want to be like them? THIS isn’t me. I am ready for a change but can’t pull the trigger.

Fast forward to October, and I am much worse.

I feel imprisoned, and the Editor of US Weekly rings me. I answer with my default fake voice. She tells me, “You are laid-off, and the clients have broken our most significant contracts.” She is sorry but I must leave the office now, and Human resources would be in touch. Everyone is always sorry it seems, and it never makes us feel better. I have to say; even in that broken moment of mine, it was inspiring to talk with a woman at her level in a career I admire! break down into a black hole of despair following this event which I call my, “intermission.” Deep down inside I know something is finally right for a change even though it looks and feels like a HOT MESS. Sometimes, the worst things that happen to you are just the situations you have refused to face. The universe waited and waited for me to make the right choice, and when I didn’t, life became toxic and began to scream at me in a sense; it is why self-reflection is so critical to your dreams.

I don’t remember how long it took me to realize that my first step was going to be tackling my health. At some point, I decided to quit drinking alcohol, milk and began to heal my body. It took years before my spark for a life fully ignited again. I worked in low-level jobs, so I didn’t have to think as much. I wanted my life back, but first I needed my mind, body, and spirit to be ready for the adventure.

Sitting alone at my desk one day, I began feeling trapped. (again) I decided to take an early lunch and began to drive around town with no destination planned. I wasn’t, and the more I drove, the crazier I felt. It would be a matter of time before I would become a blubbery hot mess again. I had to pull over. I remember a soulful urge that I hadn’t felt in a long time, and it made me smile. The funny thing is I was so vulnerable yet filled with so much passion and a dash of rebellious anger that felt better than being numb as I had been for most of my life. Your emotions in business can destroy you.

I quickly found a gas station, and before I knew it, I was crying uncontrollably at the gas pump. As tears streams down my face, I looked up and seen the beautiful golden arches of McDonald’s. Lol! I knew I had to go in. Before I even got to the counter to order my pity lunch, I saw an old college teacher of mine and went over to say hi. I hadn’t also considered how I must have looked! It must have been dreadful, but I was happy to see anyone I knew from a time when I had some heart. I was grateful to be around another person who knew my talents. Of course, the first question he had was, “How are things going? Where are you working these days?” I could barely keep myself composed and told him the truth, everything was a huge mess, and I was unhappy with my career choices and lack of opportunities. You must know, this was a time when we hadn’t even recovered yet from the economic crash of 2008 here in Michigan. Jobs were a pipedream for so many, and people were working for much less than what they were worth. He was a prominent ad director at an agency here, and I thought I might get a chance at a job. I was wrong.

The next thing out of his mouth was, “Out of all my students I always thought you were going to excel, I was never worried about your career.” I felt electrocuted with pain and shame, yet I listened to what he was up to in his life. I learned that he was unhappy too. I couldn’t believe it! How could someone with such a great job and responsibility be unfulfilled?! (I quickly had forgotten the way I felt when I too had the same kind of experience working in publishing. Because it doesn’t matter how much money you make or what type of job title you have if it is not your souls’ purpose you will be in total misalignment in your life and it hurts.) Our conversation was brief, and I left with a new desire to try again. I almost drove straight home after this life-altering event but quickly realized I had a job and at this point, I had on lunch break for a couple of hours! Upon returning, I had to face the boss who was extremely unhappy with me. He was someone I respected, and this was not the typical situation between us. I think he knew something was wrong, but men tend to want to ignore these instincts and move forward instead of getting involved. Within weeks I wouldn’t see him or that desk again. Looking back I see how lost and found I was all at the same time on this day. I will never forget that day for as long as I live.

In the following weeks, I quit my job and began taking on creative design work again…it had been a LONG TIME. I felt more like ME and this time I was starting new with a clear mind and body. It was exciting but also scary! I felt alone for a long time in this stage and not knowing my future has always been a painful emotion to understand. It is easy to want to run and hide (and actually do that) in this very critical stage. Most people do not move ahead of this confusing and surprising transitional period because it is so hard.

As soon as I lit a fire and began moving towards my goals with clear and passion-filled intentions of getting what I wanted no matter what, my life started to evolve almost instantly! I finally was moving again, and I felt alive! It wasn’t easy but has brought me to a present-day realization that I can do anything I put my mind to and so can you. I did a lot of things that most people can’t do, and began proving to myself that I could rise to the top if I dared to!

I want this for YOU, and I believe in you so much even if we have never met! Because I know that anyone can re-build their life into something that represents their authentic hear and vision when they want to badly enough.

I hope I have inspired you to take some positive actions in your life before it is too late, and I’m grateful you stayed here for a bit to read my story. While it is hard to reveal these personal (and now public) truths, I am comforted by the fact that if I help even one person with this article, then I have done something important in this life. Remember, no one that rises to the top goes unscathed because that would be so boring! #unicorntruth

Alley Jean
Brand Identity & Web Design Unicorn
Depression and Creativity

Depression and Creativity

Depression and creativity really don’t go well with each other. Some people will never fully recover from the effects of depression either. You can do all the self-care, coaching, counseling, health, medication, whatever… and still, be sad.

I ache for these people because I understand it personally and I am not ashamed to admit this. It usually not tragedy that takes our life, it is shame–and I refuse to carry this kind of burden anymore.

But what if I told you that if you could put that depression on pause long enough to do something, that no matter how bad things got, you could never doubt what you’ve created is an utter masterpiece?!

What if you took a vacation from your lies, exhaustion, and deception, just for a while, because just around the bend was the success you’ve always known is inside you?

What if, finding the strength to persevere is a sacrifice (because it feels that way for the struggling) that will benefit the world long after you’re gone? Pulling out the source of your creativity and genius to pass on to others is a responsibility that most people with depression face. It is your responsibility to grow, nurture, and give the world your wisdom. Yet, in the moments or weeks of severe depression, we don’t think we are very wise.

Regret kills us.

All the “I’m sorry’s” destroy’s us.

All the despair annihilates us.

All the nights we wish we could time travel to make it right makes us feel insane and hopeless. Which unfortunately can make creativity and purpose a totally incapable state of being. But that is a lie.

What if you powered past those typical symptoms and made shit happen?! Yeah! What if you did THAT this year?! There are only about 8.5 months left of 2019, and at the end, you could receive this fantastic gift of satisfaction.

I don’t believe that most people who suffer may ever truly recover, but you can find success even in your sadness. I have. I know it’s possible. And the funny thing is, we often do heal and get happier! Only you know how to get past the things that for some of us will never go entirely away. You do have the answers you seek which is why self-reflection and asking for support in these times is necessary. Don’t do all of this on your own, please.

I think we wait for our perfect moment that never arrives.

-Alley Jean

How are you going to live life this year so you can create success no matter how bad things are? It’s so painful for those of us who experience life in this way and have so much inside of ourself that lay dormant. The creativity sits there, challenging us, yet it feels more like mocking.

The truth is, over 350 MILLION people will suffer from depression this year. Wow. Yet all of those people feel alone. You are not alone because the numbers speak for themselves—But I know it feels that way.

The most exceptional people in history struggled with this same ailment but still graduated to being that person we look up to. How did they do it? They just do it. They know their purpose is worth finding and accomplishing. They know it is more significant than their struggle. So they just do it anyways! They see the power to succeed when they don’t know how to do it and move forward. They believe in themselves even when everything in their head says otherwise.

I feel for you if this article resonates on a personal level. I know you. I want to give you a big huge hug, but what you really need is a kick in the arse.

Even if you don’t remember your purpose in full detail, don’t you realize you can’t know until you enter and participate in the journey?! It’s a jungle out there, and the people who history writes about are the ones who suffered the most. Those who felt the most lonely. Those who felt misunderstood. Those who wanted more and took it. They are the humans who matter and take the heat for the rest of humanity. They are the names on the wall and the thoughts in our hearts. Maybe one day we will talk and write about you. But, we won’t if you keep hiding your brilliance. Creativity and the gifts you were born with have a matter of responsibility, and when we give way to our troubling habits, we are acting in complete dishonor to our destiny. The world is waiting for you to step up or step out, it’s your choice. #unicorntruth

Alley Jean

Brand Identity Artistry & Web Design Strategist
www.redunicornmedia.com

Eliminate Your Worst Traits With Self-Reflection

Eliminate Your Worst Traits With Self-Reflection

We all of us have had that moment through self-reflection where we see a trait in ourself that concerns us. We realize at this moment we have had this nasty little trait for some time and it’s a bit horrifying to know how long we were blind to its obvious negative impacts on our life.

One of my greatest traits is my ability to look at myself and find these undesirables. I want to find them. They are tricky and can hide, morph, and lie to me. They are out of site and in plain site. Some people even say this is the devils work which makes it ten times scarier for most. 

One of my worst traits is that I have a lot of undesirable traits. Lol!

None of us want to have a daily personality habit that sabotages our success and so even the best of us have these mechanisms with which we hide the truths from ourself. To me it is quite interesting and part of my life’s work to figure out. For most of my readers, it’s a nightmare which cannot be dealt with. 

We are taught at a very young age to stick by our beliefs. We decide something and then we hang on for dear life! Most of the time we are actually cloning someone else’s traits, beliefs, and desires in life. Parents, authority figures, and friends love to influence our decisions and essentially live through us. I can’t say I blame them because this is a human characteristic that has been developed since the beginning of time. We do this to educate the young and pass on our experience to save the people we care about from further pain. The problem with this is the system has become corrupt in my opinion. It is watered down and full of ego-based motives and fears that have been passed down in our family possibly for generations. 

It has already been proven that emotions and generational traits can be passed down to the new generation. What if the emotion is fear of making your own decisions? And what if this nasty trait is then reinforced by the people you trust most because of their dna and their upbringing? You see, we become slaves before we realize it to undesirable ways of thinking and acting. 

If our actions are instigated by our emotions all the time because we think we are right and most of our bad traits are hidden from our logical brain, how can we know how much of our life is truly authentic and being built to fulfill our destiny instead of aunts Marge’s? This is the part that really began to intrigue my curiosity! We can’t know until we begin a big experiment! And the first step is to examine our core beliefs and failures and see if we can find the devil in the details. This my friends, is where you will find your yellow brick road. But the journey can be very painful mentally and even physically. Our bodies love to stay on the same wavelength because it’s easier. We always talk about kids being sponges or pets being easy to train. We don’t change as we age, that is an old tale to help people cope with their undesirable traits when it’s too late to change their life. We train just as easy as the kids and the family cat or dog. The difference is, as adults we choose to not look at ourself anymore because we can. We are adults and can do what we want. But most of us are just robots doing as we are told and believing we are change-makers when in fact we are boring habits that go back generations. At some point, life becomes so difficult we choose autopilot and stick to our decisions. It’s easier and a whole lot less painful. We let the world dictate our decisions and concentrate on making the bills and making dinner and making love. Ha! 

Learn How To Eliminate Your Worst Traits & Rise Up!

Some negative traits and emotions you may want to tackle because they’ve become too detrimental to your future success are…

  • Anger
  • Depression
  • Ego
  • Judgment
  • Laziness
  • Manipulation
  • Addiction
  • Fear
  • Irresponsibility 
  • Spontaneity 
  • Immaturity 
  • Being late 
  • Being a know it all 
  • Blame
  • Hate
  • Messy
  • Unorganized
  • Regret
  • Loneliness
  • Perfectionism
  • Love struck 
  • Obsessed 
  • Stuck
  • Self-Esteem 

Let’s Create Real Awareness 

It’s super easy to confuse self-reflection with down-talking. When you’re not used to using this part of your conscious mind, it can certainly seem like you’re beating yourself up and bring it all down. But you’re not if you follow these simple tips to a clear and authentic look inside the person you think you are. 

Practice:

  1. I recommend beginning this practice alone and preferably in the morning before the sun has risen for a quiet and meditative space. Grab anything you want to make you the most comfortable and take in a few deep breaths where you actually fill your tummy as far as you can. 
  2. Now go deep into your mind and choose one emotion, character trait, or both, that you think is undesirable and bubbles to the surface the easiest. Don’t get overwhelmed here because there may be quite a few. Just pick one please. 
  3. Now imagine yourself float away from your body and observe as many replays of this trait in action by memory! All the situations it has caused and all the times you feel it really led you down an unsuccessful path. This may be painful mentally and physically which is why you must continually imagine your viewing this from an observational view as opposed to being your body. Watch these scenes like a movie in your head. Picture yourself today watching these movies play out as slowly or as quickly as you feel comfortable. 
  4. When you are ready, imagine you are now a world famous scientist and these movies and this practice is actually a big experiment and now you’re in a lab. (Be creative here just as you might play make believe as a little girl.) you have a notepad and what you are looking for is a pattern. There are common traits and decisions that link all of these bad movies together and it’s your job and role as the scientist and observer to find it. As in every job there is no crying and emotional breakdowns, this is a process of elimination and a theory until it becomes fact. 
  5. Start listing in your mind or in a journal your findings and your possible theories that make your discoveries a possible fact. 
  6. Write or think about what you’ve accomplished here. Be good to yourself and realize that the more you look deeply within yourself the easier it will be to live your life as authentically and successfully as possible. This is great work that I do myself on a weekly basis. It will advance your life by hyper speed and increase your emotional intelligence in ways you only dreamed of. 
  7. The experiment is not over! Now, for the next couple of month you just recognize your findings in your daily personal life and professional career. Every time you recognize the behavior tied to the character trait you need to age a decision you normally would never make! This is the exciting part! If you miss your opportunity because you realize it after the fact don’t worry because another situation will come to the surface quicker than you know. This is because now you’ve taken the mask off of a part of yourself you were keeping hidden. It’s kind of like when you buy that new car and all of a sudden you see it everywhere. Same deal. 
  8. Remember to forgive yourself and forgive your dna that sometimes might be driving you off a cliff. You are human and self-reflection is a difficult practice to master. Also, forgive those who will not understand you. You not here to change someone’s perspective or prove anything. You are here for you and the best way to surround yourself with success, alignments, and people who respect and love you for you is to concentrate on finding your best self in your own eyes. 
Rockship
TIME TO RISE!

Revisit this exercise on a weekly basis and you will make breakthroughs that make five years of your human life into what seems a lifetime ago. This very practice is something I have used to quit smoking, stop drinking alcohol, run a successful media company, find growth in my relationship of 23 years, attract clients and projects that still blow my mind, and create relationships and emotional experiences I can love. Most of all, it’s made me more of who I am. I live life by my book and make decisions based on what I believe instead of living a life in the past. My life my rules. Your life your rules.

Thank you for reading! I hope I have supported at least one woman out there to begin a process of strengthening the core of her business by revealing what I have learned in life. I LOVE hearing from my readers so please comment below!

xoxo,
Alley Jean – Brand Identity Architect

References: 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/putting-psyche-back-psychotherapy/201803/have-you-inherited-some-your-emotional-issues

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/design-your-path/201305/10-traits-emotionally-resilient-people